The most historic day ever in mylife is today Wednesday 19th December 2012. Why? Fall down to the ground and cracking sound from my back really sound serious. The bad part was the ground itself is not simple ground it’s road full cars. Getting hit by cars doesn’t sound cool at all.. indeed a bad day my back really hurts. From this morning until now dinner time still hurts a lot. I am holding myself together to bare this pain. Hurts in on my butt more fire up when there is so called colleagues making fun of you really not funny add more to my misery. Hence they never experience it oh well, once they do, later they will know how high was the skies are. I will cont my stories later.. This pains really kills me T_T
Give Up on you? Is the way for my brains stress free and freedom?
Another silly thoughts comes in again, now it’s about a person that all this while I’ve been story about.
At first, i thought that i will make it a long way by following the nature steps. however i am wrong. It’s written already that Sagittarius and Scorpio aren’t meant to be together. it’s all in my dream. There is no space for me at all in your thoughts.
Feeling foolishly send you a birthday card with encouraging words on it make me more sad when i think about it. Yet i already told you to throw that stupid card away.
Am i wrong when i put : Your Friendly Friend? instead of yours sincerely? ~~yes ugly handwritten but that was my own style of writing.
Stupid ever things i do in my life is why would i put you in my brain everyday since 2009.
the Ego in me never tells right what actually my hearts feels. There are so much differences between us but can’t we just keep in touch and be just a good friends? can’t we?
Shall i just give up on you? I am blurry inside my hearts and brain..
Can I just forget about you forever? i can i do that?
Dear God, please give me strength and peaceful hearth so that i am able to go through my daily life in reality more than dreams ~~
Quotes on One must dream to fulfill their needs.. that was not even going well with me.
From today onwards, i decided and make a loyal promise to myself i wont think about YOU anymore. I will focus to my reality daily life works and love myself more be happy everyday because i know there is no uncertainty of tomorrows.
Sunday 25 Nov 12.30pm, Holiday Villa Subang : Dim sum buffet brunch a special treats from my colleague mates. It was a very delicious Chinese fusion food buffet which i can say not really gluttony calling. The idea was to celebrate me and my other mate due to our birthday fall in November. Meetings outside the office, having a great time together indeed a therapy for us who mostly spend our time at office. Breaking the weekend with good foods, fun talk & laugh and cozy ambiance really makes us feel great and less stress. Perhaps it is the last big meetings among us for this year. Next month some us will have a great year end vacation with their family and friends. China is big but the trip will be somewhere in china states.. :)
One of my former colleague really excited for the upcoming trip. I’m not joining them this year trip because i got other plans to do. I hope my friend will have fun there. Okay.. this opening really draggy lol. oh yes it’s like this, the excited friend of mine suggest that after we had that buffet brunch before heading home, she suggested that we shall go shopping for winter cloths. So we go nearby shopping mall which currently having sale for the upcoming Christmas.
Travel for all is the shop name. The shop having good discount for the customers. The intention is to buy sweaters, socks, long jong and hand warmer ( hand socks?) lol whatever la the name.. simply call it like that lol.. so while they are busying trying, mix and match.. i found a lovely coat. i was dreaming to buy one long time ago.. even the coat not really brandy but when you wear it feels like comfortable and warmer :) but the most important is the coat is stylish. it was black and i mix & match it a white cutie beanie ^^ oh my that time i was feeling like traveling in Seoul during winter.. Rosa my friend faster grab her smartphone and take a snap of me :)…
Okay this the best part.. Rosa was saying that she will upload it later the pix at FB. oh yeah i was waiting for that but she forget to upload it because been busy when she reach home lol. The moment i scroll my fb mobile on my iOS, i saw this one person wearing a fur coat and imitating to be cute on it.. this fella i like him..haha before any further clarification needed on this topic let-me explain to you that this fella i like him because of him and what he do. Not more than that even so in my little heart had a special feelings for him. haha
The coincidence is we do the same things for yesterday.. he was in a fur coat and taking pix and post it to fb and me too it just that not a fur coat & not yet posted to fb LOL. he was doing that same thing as me.. i was like why we had same situation but the different is only in a different shop location. I don’t know where he try fitting himself in such an outfit but i was shocking about that coincidence that we had. LOL funny indeed. He absolutely not knowing what i do because he never tried to know things on me.. haha funny silly me… but its okay im cool with it.. hahaha so many “hahaha” words here… because im embarrassed ;p.
Yes, i know that only on the other-side is cheering in her hearts :) but not him. Actually to be exact, today is his birthday. Happy Birthday to you :). I text him earlier morning today to wish him and give him the hint on upcoming meets up 2 days after today :). I hope he will notice that.. otherwise all my preparation for him failed :(.. finger cross lets pray everything goes on my plan.
When i read the star scopes that Scorpio and Sagittarius cant be together well unless one these two star tolerant to each other. Well i’m trying myself to be tolerant to him, as if i’m not a person that can be tolerant well. At least I’m trying my best to fit his busy schedule. It’s hard to meet his schedule. he such a busy man he said but i understand that. sometimes i see him so free therefore i thought it would be good to meet him during his off days.. however it’s not really simple as i think for him to free his schedule just to meet me.. oh well i know i’m not really close to him and he also think i am weirdo.. hahaha.
Whatever la he might thinks about the silly girl like me.. as long i don’t do something bad or harm him that’s enough.lol. Sometimes i do think that he doesn’t want to meet at all. Oh well i’m not a pretty girl.. me just the ordinary person on earth that like to be friends with all kinds human on earth.. HAHAHA what a death statement!
Pheww so long and draggy stories also can be considered boring narrative prose with lack of writing style :p, Suddenly i remember, 2 weeks ago i pass him my phone number, i text him said that ” if you can make the date please sms me and letme know” on 12midnight text coming in.. he reply with” it’s hard for him to fix the date because the sudden things that might coming to him”
i was goin mad with the answer, but i understand him there must be reason why he cant.. but atleast he sms me to inform that, which that im feel much better than not replying at all.. hahaha im going crazy like this if telling all these things here.. later shall i cont..
it’s not yet in the end i shall continue this craziness on the other day..
Even if life is hard, don’t quit until the end The sky will protect your side Your footsteps are heavy, make some noise You sink down and let out a sigh But one more time, one more try
Look to the sky confidently Now is just the beginning Open your shoulders Inside of you is someone like you Don’t give up on your future even if it’s hard Stand up, hold my hand, take the world
Like how petals fall when time passes Clouds promise rain Even if you’re struggling It can change by whatever the sky wants Don’t worry, never mind Wait for that day
Look to the sky confidently Now is just the beginning Open your shoulders Inside of you is someone like you Don’t give up even if it’s hard, one more time Stand up, hold my hand, stand up again (Stand up)
Stand up (Stand up) Raise your head
Please don’t waver Now is just the beginning Open your shoulders Don’t give up even if it’s hard, one more time Stand up, hold my hand, stand up again
Observe and feel Even if we’re different, my friend You’re not alone, stand up again
Salmi himdeu-reodo kkeut-kkaji po-gi mara haneu-ri ne kyeo-seul jikyeojul keoya Neoye bal-keo-reumi himkyeowo sori naeyeo jujeo-wanja hansum jiyeo bojiman Hanbeon deo! One more try
I’m ok. With you, I have no fears. With you, there’s no reason to be bitter. With you, there’s no such thing as secrets. With you, I hear no lies. With you, the world doesn’t exist. With you, all time stops. With you, I can put down my walls. With you, pain doesn’t exist. With you, the fire is lit. And with you, my heart isn’t cold.
“I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from slim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog.”—Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters (via throughthelibraryshelves)
You’re stuck on me and my laughing eyes I can’t pretend though I try to hide - I like you I like you.
I think I felt my heart skip a beat I’m standing here and I can hardly breathe - you got me You got me.
The way you take my hand is just so sweet And that crooked smile of yours it knocks me off my feet
[Chorus:] Oh, I just can’t get enough How much do I need to fill me up. It feels so good it must be love It’s everything that I’ve been dreaming of. I give up. I give in. I let go. Let’s begin. Cause no matter what I do, Oh (oh) my heart is filled with you.
I can’t imagine what it’d be like Living each day in this life - without you. Without you. One look from you I know you understand This mess we’re in you know is just so out of hand.
I hope we always feel this way (I know we will) And in my heart I know that you will always stay
Oh, I just can’t get enough How much do I need to fill me up. It feels so good it must be love I give up. I give in. I let go. Let’s begin. Cause no matter what I do,
Oh (oh) You got me. You got me. Oh (oh) You got me. You got me.
An ending? What is actually you wished for life? Yes questioning your life everyday it’s also a way of motivation too but is it enough? Stressful situation I’ve faced almost all the time especially when dealing with works. I can’t denied that recently i find myself a bit strange, i feel demotivated towards my workloads, i can feel that something wrong with me, I’m not sure why but i feel something missing in my life. I’m not talking about relationship even-tho it might be one of the reason, but still feel uneasy with my current self now. I don’t know why.
Am I too emo? Am I lost something? Am I lonely? Am I afraid of something? Can anyone tell me what is happening? or is it the environment change? or people that i met? or the relationship that i suddenly figure out? what is it actually? i can dilute myself with certainty when i really don’t even know the main reason. I am angry to myself, i feel like a foolish person most of the time. Where is my motivation? or this the part of me being old? Oh my god what is happening to me? worrying too much? that’s this mean i am forever a stressful person?
Awkward to myself, i left my heart at my hometown, i don’t know, i don’t even know, i don’t want to be like this!!
Where are you my good angels friend? where are you myself thought motivator? where are you hope? where are you sacrifice? where are you my internal associates? where all of you gone? why left me struggle like hell? yes i’ve never been to hell, but it hurts me so much, i cry inside no one will see, tears on my eyes now a bit teary while jotting down these inner thoughts of me. Seriously tell you that I’ve been a pretentious creature in Allah’s World. Why do i have to be one? because living alone is difficult, my brave and inspiration to be independent somewhat faded bit by bit. Have you ever failed in your life? ask yourself this question.
Yes failed, I’ve been in that situation before, karma. Lacking, easily got emotional, irritated, annoyed, name it i got everything! Why am i too generous? why? why? jealousy, pathetic? am i that bad? Okay, you know what, i feel the whole world dislike me, this is the feeling i feel right now, right here. Humorous? i used to be but not anymore. :’(
My heart never fails me to tell me what to do the best for my life. Another tears falling, i bare myself from crying but how can you handle to stop it from falling? You can’t! Motivation long ago gone! I want to be a better human being, a better girl, a better daughter of my parents, a better friend for my friends, a better partner in relationship with my future partner, a better islam of my religion, a better citizen for my country.
Too much? is it wrong? the weird is me. All of you are good, only me different. oh my why do i wrote this so long? :( My heavy hearts.. really heavy now.. be in my shoe and you know it.
Ever i ever questioning your doings? so far I’ve never been busy body on your life attacking me with your lousy shit words is indeed big dump shit! yes cursing words is force out when bitches like you so damn free to know everything on me!
Motivation again, yet i won’t and don’t let myself same level as yours, you disgrace yourself as a women, you not worth it to be respect. Motivation, i will seek you again, never far from me, give me a chance to do well, i keep struggling to achieve a success on everything i indulged for. Please be kind to me.
Sometimes i do have this thoughts: is there ever a person in this world really do care about me?